英作文特訓　京大過去問を使って: 英語構文100 強調構文

課題の説明

強調構文をつかって普段我慢している愚痴を書く。

答案（単語数: 500文字）

添削後チェック入り：

Today, I (A_)went to a cram school with my son(_A) and my husband went (B)to shopping. It was when I talked with my husband on a web chat service that I was irritated. He behaved as if he didn't listen to me. However(C) I finally understood why he did (D_)such as(_D). It is probably because he didn't have any time to (E_)think(_E) my feeling. He was busy thinking which stoves to buy. At that time, he only wanted to inform the (F_)difference of each stoves(_F). I know human can't(G_) be calm always.(_G) Therefore, I stopped being angry.

添削前：Today, I went to a cram school with my son and my husband went to shopping. It was when I talked with my husband on a web chat service that I was irritated. He behaved as if he didn't listen to me. However I finally understood why he did such as. It is probably because he didn't have any time to think my feeling. He was busy thinking which stoves to buy. At that time, he only wanted to inform the difference of each stoves. I know human can't be calm always. Therefore, I stopped being angry.

ginger check:red

添削結果(添削依頼先：フルーツフルイングリッシュ日記添削)

Today, I (A_)took my son to his cram school while(_A) my husband went (B)shopping. It was when I talked with my husband on a web chat service that I was irritated. He behaved as if he didn't listen to me. However(C), I finally understood why he did (D_)so(_D). It is probably because he didn't have any time to (E_)care about(_E) my feeling. He was busy thinking which stoves to buy. At that time, he only wanted to inform the (F_)features of each stove(_F). I know human can't(G_)always be calm.(_G) Therefore, I stopped being angry.

今後の課題,添削ダイジェスト

(A)息子を塾に連れて行った
I took my son to his cram school
と表現するのが自然です。
もとの表現だと、自分が息子と一緒に塾にいって勉強するようなニュアンスにもとれてしまいます。

while「一方」を使ってもいいでしょう。
この語をつかうことによってhusbandとの行動が対比され、
別行動したことがすこし強調されると思います。

(B)go shopping
前置詞toは不要です。
go running, go hiking, go skiing というように、
go+動名詞というかたちをとります。

(C)接続副詞のあとにはカンマ

(D)such asは「～などのような」という意味で、
ここでつかうのは不自然です。

ここではso「そのように」一語でいいでしょう。

(E)「私の気持ちを気にする暇はなかった」
care about
「気にする、心配する」という意味の
この表現がいいと思います。

(F)それぞれの違いというよりは、
それぞれの特徴といったほうが自然でしょう。

違いdifferenceを使うならば、
「～と～との間の違い」という表現でないと不自然ではないかと思います。
たとえば、
difference between the stoves

また、eachがつく名詞は単数形ということも覚えておきましょう。

(G)部分否定
not always...「いつも～とは限らない」
という表現です。

I know human always can't ...としてしまうと、
「いつも～できない」という意味になってしまうので
要注意です。

I stopped being angry.
「怒るのをやめた」正しい表現です！

英語ライティングを頑張ってる方がたのブログです。　
ご参考にどうぞ～